2000-08-14

time has been such a haze, lately. too much drinking, too little work, too much time on my hands...

the usual.

so little of anything remarkable going on lately. arguments, and avoidances. some friendships flying and some crashing.

i was thinking about my prediction from new years, and how it has brought itself to full fruition. amazing, my powers of prognostication each new year's eve.

i don't know what i am, shall, or will do with myself. presently i merely drift in uselessness and misdirected anger. i go through the periods where i loathe myself, then turn around again and simply loathe the world.

i feel somewhat broken, like i am walking ways that have no forseeable direction, and the lack of moral/emotional/mental compass makes me dizzy. i remember times when i have had goals and direction, and they seem so foreign to me.

i used to be so sure that i was a good person. i just don't know that that is true anymore, and it makes me sad, like i have lost the one thing about myself that i loved.