2000-03-27

woe unto me.

the laptop is dead... lingering upon "please wait while your computer shuts down"... for about a day.

oh well.

i hated the stupid thing anyways.

...

when the phone rang at 730 this morning, i just knew it was skaterboy. back from out of town, no doubt. calling. to act like nothing had happened.

no message was left at the time.

i checked my messages a little while ago.

at 830 he left a message.

"called to see what was up. today is my day off, thought i would come by and see the site today. i will call you at work."

yah.

right.

FUCKING BLOW ME.

that's my attitude, and i'm sticking to it.

jerk.

update::1215am::

the lappop is working again. in a brazen show of irony, letting the battery die away brought it to life again.

skaterboy called again and left another message at ten this evening. i was at class. he is sounding contrite but dancing around saying he is sorry about anything in particular.

do i keep being mad? i AM still mad. do i call him and tell him that i am mad? do i wait until he calls me again? what if he doesn't call? what would a well-adjusted person do in this situation? i don't know. i keep thinking about what my brother told me once, if you just figure out what you want, then you will know right away what to do..

what do i want? in reality i want him to like me. i want him to want to hang out with me. i want him to look forward to calling me and seeing me... which it is so apparent that he doesn't feel that way. when i see that i start thinking, well, the point of us even talking anymore is moot. as per my habit, i want to make my breaks amicable but total.

do i really want a full break from him?

no.

am i pissed about how he keeps saying that we will get together and then doesn't call? how he stood me up on friday?

of course.

i want to talk to him, tell him how upset and hurt he made me. but i don't think that he would understand. i don't think that he knows, realizes that all this matters to me like it does.

argh. can't call him until i figure out what to say. will let fate take care of this. if he calls and i answer, i will deal with it then. if he doesn't ever call, i may call him in a few days, or never call at all.

remains to be seen, i guess.

i'm confused.