2000-07-11

oooooooooooooooh, the plains life is not for me, not for me, not for me.

i am back. through harrowing and near-devastational conditions have i returned to bring you tidings on the clan gathering from whence i have come.

over all, not so bad, from a familial point of view. not so bad, from a flying point-of-view either, but that is probably secondary.

hanging with my dad was okay. i even felt sad saying goodbye to him today. he's perturbing, and irritating, and totally impossible to read. he is also pretty funny. and much unlike my mom, tolerated listening to ozzy osbourne and metallica for the near-entirety of the approximately 10 hours we spent in the car.

i was in DEVIL'S LAKE NORTH DAKOTA. where is that? i will tell you where it is... BUMBLEFUCK, that is where it is.

oh, perhaps i am biased. i have nary laid eyes on the plains in my life. i came back to san francisco with a peculiar yen to read about the travels of lewis and clark. friends, this country is fucking enormous.

ahhh, but the plains, they are beautiful. and stinky. and flat. on the ride from minneapolis to north dakota, we suffered massive thunderstorms that puked forth the most gigantic drops i have ever seen in my entire life, with furious blazes of lightening cracking but inches above our heads. it was crazy.

all was well for about three hours after that, until the near heart of north dakota was achieved and the reward was a swarm of bugs that was quite biblical in nature, such was its enormity.... one could barely see, the constant crackle of bugs bringing their paltry existences to abrupt ends against our car was disconcerting.

north dakota had alot of godddamned bugs.

indeed, this was harrowing, but worst of all was the decadent and frightening PRAIRIE FOG which set in but two hours away from our destination. so thick and soupy that my brother practically swerved into oncoming lanes about four times.

it was crazy.

devil's lake is a tiny town, where my grandfather grew up. we toured around, even got a tour of the house that his dad built back in 1900. interesting.

oh, i know you were wondering so i will tell you right off.. all my relatives are as cynical and bitter and negative as i am. ... hard to believe, i know.

at anyrate, i have a few random pictures, so i can share the glory of my trip with everyone. cuz, you know, its important to everyone and all.

minneapolis gets a B/B+ on my city scale. it may be skewed, since i only got to cruise around for about 6 hours. but it seems a chill city. i also decided on a long-overdue page for my website, sn00t ratings, covering my bombastic and self-inflated opinions on anything i damn well feel like expatiating upon.

woooo. i get to go to work tomorrow. exciting.

life begins tempo again. but lemme tell you, it was better than good to get the hell out of this city for a few days. it makes it so much sweeter to be here.

i leave you with a few choice quotes from the trip:

"winged monkeys are going to swoop down and kick your ass"

-john to dad, on the impending possibilities of tornadoes in the north dakota area.

"there is no known cure for mullet malaria"

-on the rare diseases catchable solely at a mosquito-infested reststop in hartwood north dakota.