2001-07-18

loren mazzacane conners on KUSF right now. have i mentioned that KUSF is my work salvation? it is. the magic of the sonorous, sonoriffic song is not lost on me. oh, no. i understand that i am just a being that lives between my ears, trying to sop up the mess of sounds around me.

studying. perhaps. or trying. i am analytically okay, verbally fine, logically fuzzy and mathematically dead.

fear me, oh gre.

i have little lost worms crawling about in my tummy. they think about mike and get terribly confused, squirming all about. saturday in the midst of drunkeness i told his roommate that i loved mike, that i was going to marry mike and give him lots of little babies.

i wish i could remember his reaction. although i am sure it was okay.

it occured to me today, mike could one day fall out of love with me.

i don't want end, i want fullness. i want forever. i want all those things that people want and try for and fail to achieve, somehow.

though, now that the time has not yet been written, i suppose there is opportunity, still, and not regret.

this morning with my head on his chest, i thanked his heart for beating. it is that sort of feeling, i harbor.

speeded up speedily. i am a fattening lamb. fattening up and fattening up. feeling shifty.

i must study, i must away.