2000-03-04

agh. today i feel sick and tired. dunno why. got up late, felt groggy. ate some soup and feel like retching.

on the brighter side, i found out the scary neighbors who live in the main house are moving out. tenant set number three set to move in... and hopefully they will let me continue use of the washer and dryer. that would be good.

if not, hey, more impetus to move.

last night i sat around. thrilling. i got depressed. crazy depressed. cried alot about anything and everything, which is good in the long run, but last night was real bad. i was all curled up on the floor just bawling. not my most noble moment, but a fairly fucked-up-human one. i dunno what my problem was. i guess just a valve release of some sort. but i was miserable and kind of scared.

i haven't been depressed like that since the one time i drixxed and sunk into a terrible depression and ended up curled up next to my mom telling her how i felt suicidal.

"you are on drugs, aren't you honey. you have to stop doing this to yourself."

*sigh*

what made everything all more depressing is that i couldn't think of anyone to call. but hell, that is my fault, isn't it... i am the one who keeps booting everyone out of my life.

man oh man.

so today i feel better. maybe last night was just real pendulemic swing from the excellant mood i was in earlier the day. i dont fucking know. i dont fucking know what is wrong, or if anything really is wrong. ah hell. its all cloudy today anyways. i missed most of daylight and night will be coming along soon.

i am listening to old mix tapes people made me, and it feels strange.

i dunnno. mixed emotions. a new phase entered, and its feeling sort of weird.