2001-05-08

137 PM. i ate a bagel slathered in cream cheese, and i feel ill. drinking 20 oz of diet coke doesn't seem to be remedying the problem like i thought it might.

i read somewhere that they are trying to actualize COKE ON TAP! not the snortable kind, rather unfortunately, but i will take diet coke soda as a fair and decent second, in terms of substances that i would like to/already do abuse.

stimulants win over relaxants, 2:1. however, i swallowed 8 kava kava pills last night, in order to avert the massive relationship-induced panic attack i was slipping into. it worked wonders; i couldn't get the pit to devour my stomach no matter how many ways i tried to picture mike out flirting with his friend/current house guest/girl he used to like/girl who was slathering mosturizer all over herself as he gawked at her shamelessly person.

oh, yes, i do feel sick inside today, yes indeed.

i get off of work at four. i will walk home, slowing down my pace so it takes about an hour and fortyfive minutes.

i will get home, and await mike's supposed arrival at my house after seven sometime.

in between, i will suckle upon the teat of the four coors tallboys i have left. i will find nourishment and courage in them. i will be drunk by the time he gets to my house, and that will be good. i'm sure he will be hungover and tired, and i will get irritated.

there may even be a fight!

tomorrow at this time i might not even have a boyfriend any more. and strangest of all, i might not even care.