2000-04-05

day 81 of unchosen celibacy. it finds me eating apple-cinnamon cheerios on my bed, watching the news hour.

*sigh*

everyday when i leave work, i think that i should go out and do something, instead of just coming home... but alas, i find i have little to nothing to do.

life is kind of boring without a boy. bah.

i still have lingering, though odd, hopes that skaterboy will call me. cuz he misses me or something. but that is all over. and of course, I AM FINE WITH IT.

REALLY.

I AM.

really i am

i have nearly conquered xsl. i drew up a whole xml and xsl template. all this programming stuff isn't as hard as i had thought it would be. hell, i live my life in a metaphorical cycle of if/then/for/while loops.

it is why i am so friggin insane.

anyways. massive things hanging in the air at work, and it is all a little tremulous. i am waiting for the silence dam to break... i don't like being in the minority of people who know something that will affect everyone in the company.

fog days beginning to descend in the outer city. sun downtown morphs into the death shroud. this summer will be better. this summer HAS to be better. it couldn't be much worse than last summer. ugh.

this summer... i want i want i want... obviously a boy. lots of sex in the sun that pours over saturday mornings. new people to drink beer with when the sun goes down and the night is warm and everyone is filled with all of that sunburnt summer energy. i want a sense of satisfaction to replace this year that i lost to depression and angst and loneliness and personal terror.

i don't think all that is so much to ask.