2000-01-09

"what do you do when it's over?

what do you do that night?" -- folk implosion

lazy sunday. lazy. winter has descended on us. fair enough, it being january and all.

hung out with alex today. it was nice. nice is a bad word. it was... comforting. i felt happy. i felt like i was spending overdue time with someone i loved. that feels happy. and soft. like when you wake up in the morning and you don't want to move... when the sheets are perfection, and your pillow is love and you couldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. i guess that's what i mean by nice.

it's weird, to look at him. to sit across the table from him. we spent time in west portal, eating lunch and i kept thinking about all the meals we shared after spending the night together, and my mind starts wandering over the past, over our old sexual encounters... missing drunken rolls around the floor and all the kissing and fumbling. oh well. at least i don't have the trouble of wondering whether or not we are better off now. we surely are. benefits to our relationship of not having physicality are immense. its just too bad you can't sleep around with people without emotional consequence.

i suppose that is rote thinking when spending time with "old flames". but since this is my first true attempt at salvaging true friendship from a relationship, i suppose this is the first time i have ever taken the time to notice and experience these weirdnesses. worth it, tho.

other than that, its been a slow day. two friends still in the apartment. other than my usual neurotics over the rugs and the eternal pubic-hair plastered state of the bathroom, i can't say that i mind too much. three people is a lot of people in a glorified studio. but right now i am enjoying the company, somewhat. it takes the edge off of the loneliness i know i would be feeling in their stead.

skaterboy back in TWO (count em) TWO days. tuesday. anticipation rises. horniness follows in its wake. i can't wait to see him. i really like him. i really hope he likes me. i know it sounds so plaintative, and its the usual high-school-esque refrain of "profound" longing and self-conscientious esteem issues. but its fun, too, in a weird way. its new. its so far from the depth of drama i was in for most of last year. its more innocent and healthy in nature. and i like that.

hmmm. yes. i have to say this is one of the better sundays i have spent in a long while. as thurston did say, sunday comes around again, a perfect time for a quiet friend. indeed.