2000-01-19

stress. stress. stress.

well. so that's that... in a matter of speaking. i rather overreacted (unusual? not at all) last night in regards to the phone call. it was fine, i suppose, just not scintillating, by any stretch of the imagination. but i don't know why in the world i would expect it to be.

i suppose i don't know much of anything.

spent the majority of today stressing out over work. too much to do. mass chaos. "start-up mentality" failing me. believe "start-up mentality" is a figment of everyone's imagination. work is much like WWI. long stretches of uselessness and boredom punctuated by moments of intense activity.... bombs raining down from the grey management sky.

ah well. i still like it.

skaterboy is due to call me this evening. tho i suppose he will call late in the evening. when i am home. i will be tired and moody and we will have another lame conversation that leaves me wondering what in the hell we have in common.

not a helluva lot, honestly. but he calms me. i adore that. and physically speaking we are a superb match. in terms of everything else.... well. its all still up in the air.

everytime i am out in the city i look for him everywhere. i don't know why.... as if i would see him on every single street corner, skating down every street. its weird.

i guess i just really really want to see him.

well. i knew that already.


Update::1029pm::well. its 10:30. he didn't call, and i am just sad, not mad. after such a long day... and there are these people in my house... and i just feel lonely as all hell and really depressed. stressed and sad and lonely and depressed. saving grace idea of today was that there would be some moment of being with him, and now there isn't one, today at least.... i may as well just go to sleep. i just feel so empty and lame and ugh. =(