1999-12-25

WOOOOOO. it took me like, nine million hours, and even more frustration (steeped in much TEQUIZA BEER [yah. its good. really. it really really is.]) to get this fucking modem functional. i feel so proud of myself for conquering the electro-fences that msn threw up to keep me from accessing the almighty, uh....... hmmm.

ooof. much internetness to share with mom. yay. its christmas, i've been laying around watching teevee and eating alot, no drinking today (see tequiza reference above). its cold as all hell here. bah. still warm in good ol sf????

had a weird scare with the newsflash yesterday about the hijacking of the india-air flight, since john was cavorting around india, and we were a little worried he might have been on the flight. but he called this morning from a street corner in bangkok. HOW MANY BHATS TO THE DOLLAR?? whatever. he's safe and having alot of fun and a mind-altering experience. perhaps when he comes back he will finally be ready to try drugs.

anyways. feel slovenly and ill and totally relaxed. much food consumed (UGHHHHH). *sigh*. been dreaming alot of weird dreams, everything from alex to skaterboy to old friends to parents. things coming and going from this crusty old brain. will now go and attempt to discern some things about la croix

anyways. here's my diary entry from yesterday. take care.

first full day in deecee. cold as fuck, and i am totally reminded of the how cold weather was designed exclusively to fuck with smokers... cold outdoors, numb fingers, evil winter winds that blow out your light or send your ash-end flying in sparks into your hair. sucks. don't miss it from the rochester days, don't enjoy it now.

else, spent the majority of the day running around trying to find a modem connector from my ethernet card to the simpleton phone jack. nowhere to be found. impossible. i don't want to replace the modem card, particularly, just want the connector. saw a million connectors... for jacking into networks, read:: ethernet cable connections. FUCK. massive crowds at all the stores, all holiday hell breaking loose. the only positive break came on the metro ride from crystal city to king street. looked out over the virginny trees, those church spires looming up over everything. really different from sf. really different from worrying about ethernet jacks.

on a not too dissimilar note, bought my first o'reilly book today. i am ashamed to admit it, but it was kind of exciting. granted its just HTML, but i think dhtml will be next. i'm finding many things i like about computers, including the way they satiate my intense need to control and domineer the minute details of insignificant things. things i dislike::.... well alot. today at the bookstore i inherently abhorred the fact that all the computer and graphic design mags are cut off from all the other magazines by the porn/gun/field&stream mags. i found that to be a little shitty. and they are on the exact opposite end from the women's magazines. again, a minute detail, but those are my fixation point.

tomorrow is christmas eve. convinced mom that we should spend it drunk and together. i am envisioning alot of talk and fighting. but whatever. this evening with her and her ultra-conservative friends was fun but a little weird. the comment from one of her friends that "hispanics breed like rabbits" was a bit much. but maybe that's just me clinging to early-90's peecee. i can't even tell any more, to tell you the truth. *sigh* but tomorrow i get my haircut, and go off to a few more computer stores looking for whut*i*need. and i prolly wont get it. go fucking figure.

speaking of, i just checked my messages on the fluke chance that skaterboy might call me. (which he didn't). i had a weird half-drunk cry last night, a little about stress-relief, alot about hurt feelings. so much of what happened with alex has really made me feel scared. and scarred too, in some ways. not that that's his fault or mine. i'm so scared of becoming as bitter inside as i am on the outside.

but what can i do? i could buy an issue of *SLAP* (skateboarder magazine). but i would prolly rationalize to myself that i bought it to get ideas for what sorts of page layouts would be rational to a skater looking at the web pages i am working on. of course, that would be lying to myself, since i would probably just sit there staring at the pictures and wishing skateboy were sittin' right beside me. its total porn for the skater-adorer in me. er, i mean, it would be. if i had bought it. which i didn't. or something.